:)

I am so happy!

(And all better now.)

Jabberwocky

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought--
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Day 3

Or day 4? I'm not sure. Days do have a habit of running together during holidays, especially when one is sick...

The fever's all gone, finally. I'm more listless than ennervated, and tomorrow I get to see my boyfriend again (:

On a completely unrelated note:

Ennervated

I've always wanted to use that word... but it always seemed too dramatic. Now I can, because that pretty much describes how I feel. I've napped some today, and eaten a little more. We'll see about dinner.

Sickness

Ech. The morning of the 24th, I wake up at 5 and spend the next five and a half hours mostly in the bathroom completely nauseous. At least that eventually ended. Now I just have a fever and chills and weakness from not really eating, but I can hold down water and I got a mango popsicle which was really nice. It did kind of ruin my Christmas, though...

And So.

Visiting my old high school today brought such mixed feelings... it was nice to see some of my friends and old teachers again, and yet, walking through the hallways, lost in a crowd of people, waving to old classmates who didn't see me, people I knew once who didn't acknowlege me... painful? Maybe. I can't describe it. And in those moments what I wanted most was to have my boyfriend by my side so I could flip off the world...

Memories or Still Truths?

The monologue I wrote last year for Creative Writing:

Why do I even bother sometimes? It’s like, when I speak, I don’t even exist. I could just say anything, and people would look right past me with that same blank stare, expressionless, and continue whatever they were doing. I’m ridiculously gratified when someone looks at me, listens, answers, laughs at a joke—an actual conversation, with someone else! In the hallways, too, I am not acknowledged, I am invisible, just something to move around (or sometimes not even that). Are they all so self-absorbed? It makes me want to curse, scream “Fuck!” but I’m a nice girl and I don’t use words like that, of course. Wouldn’t it be shocking? Or would no one hear me? Would they just carry on, as usual, ignoring the girl standing in the middle of the hallway, screaming, “I’m so fucking alone!” The Christian kids from the church I used to attend, they’re so nice, they don’t even recognize me at school, not like they ever did. I simply don’t exist; I’m faceless, voiceless, lost. Oh, and the reason I left that church? I didn’t belong. I don’t belong in this school; I don’t belong anywhere, neither earth nor heaven nor hell. Maybe I belong among the stars, a comet, always moving until someday I crash into a planet, becoming stardust and rock, forgotten, crash into oblivion.

If anyone wanted to know how I felt through my high school years...

Hallway

I visited my high school today, along with many other alumni. The memories it brings back...

The people pass by me, in clusters or alone, talking or silent. A boy stumbles, but no one notices; they’re too busy trying to push through the moving mass of people. The sea of faces hides all single identity. I wonder if anyone’s as lonely as me; surrounded by people, but unseen. I move through them, walking quickly, blank faced, and catch only disjointed bits of conversations: “She works there? Why don’t you?” “…yeah, he said…” My binder is in my arms; Atlas Shrugged is digging uncomfortably into my chest—if I don’t hold my books tightly, they will slide off. The level of noise rises as more people flood the hallways, becoming indistinct, and I tune it out and move to my next class.

Here

"Here I am
In winter's arms
Wishing they were yours..."

Perhaps it is irrational of me to miss people, and perhaps it is not. Nevertheless, I do...

I Am

I am upset.

And no one cares.

Goodnight.

Newsy Things

Bruise update: Going down nicely; plus it's getting kind of boring to keep going on about it all the time so I will stop.

I went bowling with my boyfriend and some of his friends last night. I also met his parents and saw some baby pictures. At least he hasn't seen any embarassing pictures of me yet...

My dad's visit is going well, the cats are mostly behaving, and I have been doing a lot of reading (although I had to put the 11th WoT book on hold because someone has it checked out until Jan. 6th or so). I feel kind of mean putting Knife of Dreams on hold because that means they won't be able to renew it if they don't finish it. But on the other hand, that's their own fault ;)

Hmm. Ok, maybe I didn't have that much news after all. I have to get around to calling some friends now that I'm back in the area and so on, but for now I must run a book up to the library that I suggested to the librarian. She hasn't read it, so I'm lending my copy to her.

Final grades are posted on Friday!!!

A Poem I Found

Mad Girl's Love Song
by Sylvia Plath

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

A Few Things

Home is nice. Went on a few brief errands today.

Bruise update: reddish in the center of purple ringed by more of a greenish yellow.

Home

At last, finals are over and I am home! The cats were much less surprised to see me this time-- I think they've gotten used to me being gone for a while and then coming back. Later this afternoon my mom and I drive into Philly to pick my dad up from the airport. Two weeks should be interesting, but then we made it through my graduation week all right.

My parents have been separated for 4 or 5 years now. I won't officially be a child of a broken home until January, probably. Things were bad for a while, and then my mom was just to busy to start the divorce process. Now she has. I'm not bitter really. They get along fine, for the most part.

In other news I had brief conversations with some people I haven't talked with (or seen) in a while. Now I just have to work on forgiving Steve. I'm not sure if he knows I've been mad at him or not.

Bruise status: still a lump, very purple/blue surrounded by yellow. Thanks a lot, Seth... but I can't complain-- my first fencing injury! Never mind that it was completely off-target...

Western Wind

Western Wind
Anonymous

Western Wind, when will thou blow,
The small rain down can rain?
Christ, if my love were in my arms
And I in bed again!

Finals Week

I don't like finals week :(

Rock On

Yep, that's my hand...

LI

Somehow I find this so calming... it hangs over my desk (and is not quite so yellow tinted).

Finals

One down, two more, an essay, and a paper to go...

Porcupines

Flashback style, I have to put my porcupine in the bathtub, because the watermelons are too small. Sadly the lemons do not stick but the honey will have great effect on the bees, they say, that songs are humming. Suddenly my mind is become confused, small moon flowers in the sun…