Pessimism at its Best

It just feels like nothing's going right for me... I have so much pressure and stress, and I'm trying to write this essay for an application to the summer honors program--a course with a travel abroad component(!)-- and I just can't get it to work. And all the time as I'm struggling to write it I keep thinking there's no way I'm even going to get accepted into this program, anyway--only two students from Millersville will get in. But I so badly want the chance. And I need to hand the essay/application in tomorrow before work.

My Middle English professor still hasn't changed my grade, although we discussed in her office--two weeks ago--the works cited page that I had brought in so she could change my grade from a 0, which I then emailed to her, with my name on the document as well as in the text of the email. When I talked with her this past Tuesday it didn't sound like she had changed her mind about giving me a second chance on my grade, but I really can't tell with her. I think she forgot that she was going to do it, and forgot that unlike some of the other people in the class I had actually come to see her about it, etc. and that she had offered to give me specifically a re-grade (because I at least actually had a decent paper), and I can't ask her about it again because I've used up the one oblique angle I had ("did you get the email? I wasn't sure if it sent properly...") and she'd probably get annoyed if I started pestering her about it (especially if she doesn't remember saying she would). To the class in general, since a lot did badly or didn't even follow the guidelines (which I did... except for thinking that when one has footnotes, one does not need a works cited page), she'd offered to let them choose to have their second paper be the grade for both papers. That's due on the 5th for Middle English, and I'd really like at least some feedback on the first paper before I hand in the second one... and if she hasn't changed my grade by next week, I'm going to have to gamble and accept the offer to have the second paper carry the weight of two. And that'll be 200 points.

I'm almost afraid to get my Calc portfolio back... I have no idea how I did but it was really difficult and I'm not sure if I understood and did some things correctly.

Lots of other deadlines coming up as well. The last day of finals is Dec. 16th and after that, the semester is over...