Notes

Ok, still trying to work out a few bugs. Making comments and posting titles show up is a wee bit beyond me. I'd settle for just comments, maybe? It may be a week or so... my html fairy is working on a speech ;)

New Love

I have found a new love!

All in All...

... a quite satisfying day.

I got my friend to help me with my new blog skin (just in case you hadn't notcied), pretty sparklies at the mall, and had a very nice dinner. The best part? All of that time was spent with Jason (:

Now I really will go to bed.

Things on my Mind

1. To someone: I always feel so gratified when I can make you smile or laugh, even if you don't really mean it. I miss hearing you laugh.

2. To someone else: If I ever see you on campus again, I will smile. I hope you will realize how much it costs me to do that and I hope you will appreciate it.

3. To 1, 026 people: Fuck you.

666... Two Things for Jason

"There's nothing I can do..."

Feeling bad about myself. Not sure why.

Reflections and Plottings

*twitch* Elftown is still down... *twitch*

Hopefully this weekend I'll be putting up a new blog layout once my friend Sam helps me edit the last few html details, which is why I haven't bothered to put some links back up again. I'll also hopefully be going to the mall to get some pretty sparkly jewelry to go with my lovely new frormal black dress for the Chorale recital on April 30th. Yay!

I took some photos of my dreamcatcher, which just got in yesterday, hanging in my room. Here are two good images:



Also, I think I'm beginning to develop some ideas for birthday gifts for my boyfriend (:

Morning, It Is.

Fell asleep after midnight, I did.

Feel like moving, I don't.

Emo... ness.

"You know she's bleeding somewhere inside..."

Muahaha...

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Pretty

"I feel in my heart a certain sorrow,
Which goes on disturbing my peace.
There shines a torch in my soul:
If it is not love, it will soon be love."

Stupid Time Change

Well, I'm obviously not in New York right now. Why is that, you ask? Well, because I set my clock BACK an hour instead of FORWARD an hour, so when I woke up at 5, it was actually 7, which is when the group left Millersville.

Once I finally figured out what time it really was, I just gave up and got a nice long shower instead.

Night!

I had a nice evening. Tomorrow, New York City with the Spanish club (:

Happy April 1st

"Bring me a basket of figs and some mice."

It Figures...

It figures; it really does... this guy who lives in my boyfriend's hallway and kind of knew me from high school was eating dinner with us last night. In the middle of a random conversation he decided to tell me that he had been talking with a good friend of his from our high school and she had been surprised to hear that I had a boyfriend... because she thought that I was a lesbian just beacause I hadn't seemed interested in boys. Fuck, I was interested enough in them but they weren't interested in me... I guess this just shows what I've always felt: my "peers" never understood me, nor did they want to.

Funny Story (Perhaps More Than One!)

In my History of the Middle Ages class yesterday, we were discussing women in the middle ages. When our professor got to how a woman's menses is considered unclean, sinful, and so on, he said, "during the month of her period... I mean time..." the woman is isolated. Yep... he slipped and said month. If that's not a Freudian slip, I don't know what is! Most of the girls in class caught it, too.

He then went on about how men didn't want to have to deal with that sort of thing and then asked, "How many guys here would go out and buy tampons for their girlfriend?" There was a bit of a pause while all of the girls in the class (maybe about 20) snickered, and then two of the ten guys present raised their hands...

Dr. Fortin then imparted a little story: As he was at his girlfriend's place last night the dog went through her purse, pulled out a tampon, and started chewing on it... xD

Ah... I love studying medieval history with Fortin.

Another Great Headline

Those who go to Millersville are aware that a hearing on "academic justice" (absolute nonsense, staged by republicans who were afraid that conservative students were being discriminated against by liberal professors) was recently at our University, spearheaded by Gib Armstrong, the republican representative in Lancaster (right near MU). This morning, I saw the following headline in today's local paper:

Armstrong accused of using staff, office for campaigning.

(This is illegal in Pennsylvania.)

It's Like a Little Ray of Sunshine...

Now that's my definition of justice!

Speaking of Churches...

Today I got a little care package from my old church youth group. I remember them doing similar things for the college students of GSPC, but in my case it feels sort of wierd because I was alienated 4 years or more ago, and left 3 years ago. I don't regret it either, and in their defense the youth leaders were nice enough... I just never felt like I fit with my peers and when I started thinking for myself, I didn't feel like I fit with Presbyterian doctrines either, especially in that particular church. Nevertheless, I will write a thank-you note...

Housing Next Year

Diehm 311... well, it's better than nothing.

Why are People Threatened by Religion?

Love it.

Could it be Spring?

Shocking, I know...

But the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and it's actually quite warm...

Plus, I got my registration number from my advisor and my schedule for this fall is looking good!

Overall, I'm in a pretty good mood (:

The Last in Line

"We're off to the witch
We may never never never come home
But the magic that we'll feel is worth a lifetime..."

I suppose today is going all right so far. I'm just worried about getting a photographer for the musical... but be that as it may, I'm sure things will work out all right (:

In A Rather Bad Mood

Today started out all right, except for all the stress and rushing about... then it kind of just went downhill from there.

I spent my evening helping at and taking photos of the first fencing meet Millersville has hosted this year, and after about two hours of blithely photographing the bouts, I was informed by the stern referee that I wasn't supposed to be using flash and he could give me a black card (kick me out) unless I hadn't known that and I said no, of course I hadn't. And I went back and sat down and relayed this to Sam and then when Chris finished his match he came over and teased me and laughed and I asked why he didn't tell me ahead of time but he said he hadn't noticed and when he left I just put my head down and started crying... I felt so embarassed.

Another Link

But this one is funny :D

THE ULTIMATE TACO

Well.

Now I am slightly more educated about what I've had for at least 7 years...

Heheh

Eh?

I think O.o pretty much sums up my state of mind right now... still, not a bad thing...

Dream Poems

From the dream (a mixture of scenes and poetry) that I had last night, my own imagination, and other influences:

John and Carol
Were actors.
They went to an audition
Holding hands,
In the big city
And stood outside the doors.
After a while, the director
Appeared and gestured for John.
Carol waited for and hour
And a half
But no one came for her.
Then John opened the doors and said,
“I’m sorry, Carol. This just
Isn’t going to work.”
Carol went home crying.
John eventually fell in love
With a beautiful actress named Cassie
After Cassiopeia, a queen
Known for her great beauty.
They married two days after their
Third show together was a success.
No one knows what happened
To Carol, but perhaps she got a gig
Off-off Broadway, because of her
Large breasts and her
Enthusiastic personality.

Exercise: re-write the above poem to give it a happy ending in which everyone is satisfied.

John and Carol
Were actors.
They went to an audition
Holding hands,
In the big city
And stood outside the doors.
After a while, the director
Appeared and gestured for John.
Carol waited for and hour
And a half
But no one came for her.
Then John opened the doors and said,
“Carol, I got the part!”
Carol smiled and clapped, even
If she was a little jealous,
Because she loved John
And she knew he loved her.
Her friends asked,
“How can you be content?”
And Carol answered,
“I am happy for John.”
John eventually fell in love
With a beautiful actress named Cassie
After Cassiopeia, a queen
Known for her great beauty.
They started an affair two days after their
Third show together was a success.
Carol wondered, but did not admit
Why John was away so much,
Why the phone sometimes rang but
Someone hung up when she answered,
Why John had to keep his
Briefcase locked.
Carol said nothing, and continued to
Work at the diner where she was a
Waitress to support John,
And got good tips because of her
Large breasts and her
Enthusiastic personality.

I'm Not Paranoid...

... I do have hyper-thyroid, however. I'll be seeing an endocrinologist over my two-day break... so much for catching up on work at college when I don't have classes.

Butterflies

"So what if you turn into a butterfly? Butterflies die too."

Courses

I fucking hate course scheduling.

Back

Back at college... I can hardly keep my eyes open so it's off to bed for me. Wish me good dreams...

It's Saturday

(Just in case no one knew what day today is.)

Happy day-after-St. Patrick's-Day, I guess... the party last night was cancelled so I ended up going to the mall with my mom, which proved to be rather fruitless. Nevertheless, here is a four-leaf-clover I found last year:

Who knows what I'll be doing today with the rest of my day? Back to Millersville tomorrow...

"No, there is too much... let me sum-up."

A cookie to the first person who guesses where the quote's from!

Monday: Packed for an overnight stay and then went to Allyssa's. Watched the first part of Mirrormask and went to bed.

Tuesday: Got up at an ungodly hour, rode to NJ and hopped on the 7:30 train to New York City. "Mind the Gap." Spent the day in NY walking around with Allyssa generally enjoying ourselves. Was told yet again I have cat-like mannerisms.

Wednesday: Jason visited. Showed him off... I mean introduced him to... the librarians and my mentor at the elementary school. Had dinner. Went to the library again to lead the evening bookclub, more or less enjoyed myself. Went to sleep and had some wierd nightmares.

Abandoned

Whoever said nightmares go away when you wake up was wrong.

Venting

To start with, I seem to be going through an overly emotional phase. First Brokeback Mountain, then the TV show my mom and I watched last night... heck, I haven’t felt like crying at something on a screen since that part of A.I. (which I thought was the end) where the boy sinks down into the ocean and sits there forever.

Then there’s the trying on spring clothes from last year, realizing that they’ve finally gotten too tight to get over my hips, trying on new pants and having to get a larger size, being nagged about what I eat and how I don’t exercise enough by my mom (who else?) as if that won’t make me eat more because yes, I eat food when I’m upset; so does everyone else...

Oh, and getting weighed at the doctor’s office today wasn’t terribly fun. Having to get some blood drawn so they can test for anemia and thyroid problems was much more fun. At least I’ll finally learn if I do have a problem with iron in my blood or my metabolism (which has betrayed me).

Home!

Well, I am home now...

The cats were happy to see me =^-^=

My first night back was nothing special; I got plenty of sleep in my bed in my room with only Jasmine for company.

Yesterday afternoon my mom and I went to the mall briefly, went to a close cinema and saw 'Brokeback Mountain' (finally), went back to the mall and got two things I'd picked out, then finally got home and ate dinner. I enjoyed the movie, although it was sad...

And I really miss my college friends and especially my boyfriend but I'll live, as always.

Spring Break!

Well, I have to study and pack, say goodbye to Jason, then go to Chorale, lunch (and study some more while I eat) and then to Spanish to take a test... then back here to finish packing, tidy the last few things up, and leave :D

My week off will be so busy... but fun too, I think.

Plato

"Star of my life, your face is looking to the stars; would that I were the heavens, looking at you with a thousand eyes."

Zerstören

I can't believe it's only Tuesday. I hate Tuesdays. And of course I have to make it harder for myself by going to lunch early and then attending another Bio seminar for a little more extra credit...

Taking over full duties at the Snapper and calling people is going all right, at least. I'll get around to the last few people this evening, as I'm sure no one will have anything for me right at 6.

Incidentally, I am 84.2% pure :)

Procrastinating

(From Chris' Xanga)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Carla!

1. All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by Carla!
2. If the annual Australian Carla crop was laid end to end, it would stretch around the world seven times!
3. Lightning strikes Carla over seven times every hour!
4. The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on Carla!
5. Carla can jump up to sixteen times her own height.
6. You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of Carla to reach the earth's core.
7. Carla was the first Tsar of Russia.
8. The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book which does not mention Carla.
9. Carla can not regurgitate.
10. The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Carla as she rode out to collect warriors slain in battle!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Food

Rose: Pizza too... no cooking there
Me: oh well yeah, easy to make
Me: I meant on the stomach
Rose: yeah.... well, it wasn't pizza hut

Sickness

Meh... being sick is no fun. I'm doing better today and getting back into eating food and all that... unfortunately, my idea of recovery includes finishing the essay that's due tomorrow and doing my Spanish homework.

Viking Kitties!

aaaAAAHHHH!!!

Drowning

"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

--John Lennon

Oh Shift...

The right shift key on my keyboard seems to be sticking a bit oddly. Hrm. Serves me right for eating around it too often? I forget how to take keys off to clean under them. At least it still works. Most of the time.

I Am So Black Metal

Being Myself

...I take everything personally.

Bad Ads

I mean, really... *snickers*

Another bad one I remember seeing a long time ago was "Ex-Lax: For regular people... who sometimes aren't."

Stuff

I think The Snapper is starting to weigh on me a little... or maybe just the sports editor... and it will get worse.

It's going to be a headache day. I can tell.

So True

"Tonight I'm So Alive..."

I think only two people in this world know why I went to bed last night so happy... and relieved.

Mine :)

There's Something to be Said for Sympathy Pains...

See?

Monday

It doesn't seem like Monday at all... I fell asleep fairly quickly last night and then slept through the night like a log, with one steady dream that, although wierd, was not a nightmare. I woke up to my roommate's cell-phone alarm, which goes off one or two minutes before mine when it's set at 7:30. Then I lay in bed for five minutes before gathering together the strength to get up. At any rate, it just doesn't feel like a whole night passed and therefore, how can it be Monday? I'd like some blissful unconciousness for a once...

Snapper tonight :)

"You Make This All Go Away..."

I slept much better last night. Well. When I was sleeping anyway.

For Someone

(I know who you are)

"Trouble with your heart? Get it removed... then you'll have no more problems."

Words Echo

...and she had just lured us into her room to kill us when we lay down together, to sacrifice us, and we were locked in and even though my back was turned I started to scream his name as I realized, to warn him, because she was coming back soon, but then someone said, out loud or in my head, "But he knows already... he lured you here."

And then I woke up, frozen, the words echoing in my mind, feeling betrayed, cold, unable to move, frozen, afraid to turn my back, and lay still until the images faded, and finally turned over and shivered until I fell asleep once more.

Call It A Daydream...

Dreamcatcher

Two perfect white feathers rest on the dirt, immaculate, quills delicately connected. The light, pale down at the base of each feather quivers with its own rhythm in the faint breeze. The breeze strengthens, and as the feathers begin to rise in an attempt to fly once more, she swiftly retrieves them and carefully wraps them in a tissue before putting them in a pocket and moving on with a smile.

At the edge of the forest she severs a young, pale sapling with a sickle knife pulled from her belt and a few whispered, soothing words to the living wood. She carries the cane with her free hand and stops only once more to pick up an empty, rusted instant-coffee can that lies, alien, in the tall grass. Tucking this under her arm, she carries these finds to her small cottage.

Inside, a long table waits. She places the undisturbed feathers on a corner and sits at the opposite end, setting the coffee can down and carefully examining the thin sapling. After a few moments, satisfied, she lays the branch down and produces her knife once more, cutting out a length of equal thickness with a murmured blessing. It is easily pliable, and she wraps the wood around the girth of the coffee can, tying the overlapping ends together with a length of thick waxy thread.

All is now ready, and quietly humming an ancient lay she begins to loop and knot the thread inside the ring of wood, forming a web. She pauses as the web progresses inward to slide a small, delicate bead of clear blue topaz onto the thread and work it into the net. After a few more rows, she adds a second bead of the same color, close to the center. At last the intricate tracery of pure white web is completed.

Only the feathers remain, and these she lifts delicately, tying thread around the base of the pair of feathers, knotting it and adorning the length of doubled thread with one last bead of topaz. She ties it to the base of the webbed ring and after adding another strand to the top of the ring, she hangs the talisman over her window.

Two perfect white feathers stir in the faint breeze, immaculate and delicate, ready to catch her dreams...

The Stars Are Also Fire

"--You: Law alone, sight unbloodied, and never a heart ripped loose for gods that never were. Death is no more than the stones that lie in the groundgrip of waterless wastelands; ever obedient whirl the worlds; their ways you will understand and their whys will be born of your brains. You have given yourselves to serve and master the steadiness of the stars.

But the dust of stones shall be bones, dry bones rising for a journey from doubt into darkness. Your forgotten begotten shall trouble your dreams, the heart shall break its cage, and death shall laugh at your law. For the stars are also fire.--"

He's New

Which Black Metal Band Are You?

I'm just going with a theme, I guess...


You are Enslaved


Which Black Metal Band Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

BLACK METAL WAS NOT MEANT FOR TOOTSIE POPS

Or was it?

Another Brick in the Wall, pt. 3

"I don't need no arms around me..."

Wait, yes I do...

Off to bed.

Shimmy

(That's what I'm listening to at the moment.)

Well, my Mondays have finally gotten better since I've dropped Stat (my 3-4pm class). Evenings are still Snapper-filled, but it's fun there :)

Tuesdays, however, are still kind of long and arduous. Bio lab from 3-5 will do that...

Goth stuff again

In keeping with the goth theme, I found these online. They made me chuckle.

*I'm so goth, in preschool, the only crayon I used was black.

*I'm so goth I dyed my belly button black.

*I'm so goth my black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black."

*I'm so goth, whenever I walk into a room, all the lights go out.

*I'm so goth I wear sunglasses when I open the refrigerator.

*I'm so goth I don't paint my nails black--I bash them with a hammer.

*I'm so goth I died and didn't notice.

*I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy.

*I'm so goth, when I stop pouting, people ask, "What are YOU so happy about?"

*I'm so goth, when I go outside, the sun sets.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Well, we did spend most of the day playing Sam's new "Ultimate Goth" game. I got a few things wrong that I knew, but I got considerably more right with somewhat wild guesses. And I won. It was, overall, quite enjoyable (:

But now I have classes again tomorrow.

Meh

I'm in a really bad mood, suddenly. Today kind of sucked, not to mention this wierd indigestion/ stomache ache/ heartburn that pretty much persisted throughout the day. I would just go to bed early, but I'm hungry. But I don't know what to eat. Go figure.

Opinions

Be nice.

Be honest.

Beer!

Mmm... Terry Pratchett...

"Well, basically there are two sorts of opera,' said Nanny, who also had the true witch's ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no experience whatsoever. 'There's your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like "Oh oh oh, I am dyin', oh, I am dyin', oh, oh, oh, that's what I'm doin'", and there's your light opera, where they sing in foreign and it basically goes "Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I like to drink lots of beer!", although sometimes they drink champagne instead. That's basically all of opera, reely."

Appropriate for Friday, I thought...

Amusing

Am I the only one who finds this funny?

Strawberry Cream Cheese

It always cheers me up a little (:

I'm still quite tired though... my roommate turning her light on and moving around (and then leaving for about an hour, leaving the light on, wtf?) kept me up until at least quarter of 1. Oh well, I gues...

Grrr

I was not amused by whoever prank-called me using the Napoleon Dynamite soundboard at 11pm. In fact, I am rather irritated, and there will be blood.

Indietits

indietits.com

Snow

Of course not even a delay resulted from this snowfall... but oh well... at least it's pretty.

Water, Water, Everywhere...

But not in my hallway! Apparently someone on Jason's floor/wing did something with a hanger to the sprinkler and broke the water main. Amazingly enough, it sounds like Jason's room is one of the few that actually stayed dry.

I really should stop leaving stuff all over the floor...

I am Wierd

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

Heheh.

Friday and Saturday

Well, the Stat. test yesterday was terrible. I looked over my notes and I still blanked on the really easy formula for z-scores! I'm really hoping my advisor recommends that I withdraw from the class... I won't know that until Monday though. The Spanish test wasn't too bad; but we'll see how well I actually did.

Today was getting up a little later than usual, eating breakfast amongst a crowd of young kids at Millersville for the 'Math Counts' program and telling Jason it would be bad to taser some of them, doing laundry, and making a little progress on my speech outline, powerpoint, and bibliography. I still have to put stuff on notecards so I don't get lost... ergh. I wish I had asked for a later date, but no, I had to go and say "no preference." Oh well. It finally started snowing! Snow makes me happy. Not so happy when I have to walk through it to the other end of campus to take pictures for The Snapper, though, haha.

And tomorrow is Jason day! (As The Snapper owns my soul and I will be there all of Tues. evening.)

Today So Far

Studied for Spanish and then finally got around to cleaning out my marauder account inbox! Feel virtuous. Did not study for Statisitics yet. Whoops.

Have I not said we can reach greatness? ;)

Avatar II

Although... this is more likely to be me, haha...

Avatar

If I had to pick an avatar it would be this:

Mmm... sword...

(Better quality image, and cooler-looking)

Hehe

Just found this online...

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As
cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the darn cat from across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1. Wrap it in cheese.

Stress

Stress level: 85%
Exhaustion:10%
Other: 5%

I can't believe it's Wednesday...

Look Up...

"Earth conquered
Gives the stars."

Boethius

In dark clouds
Hidden
The stars can shed
No light.
If boisterous winds
Stir the sea
Causing a storm,
Waves once crystal
Like days serene
Soon turn opaque
And think with mud
Prevent the eye
Piercing the water.
Streams that wander
From tall hills
Down Descending
Often dash
Against a rock
Torn from the hillside.
If you desire
To look on truth
And follow the path
With unswerving course,
Rid yourself
Of joy and fear,
Put hope to flight,
And banish grief.
The mind is clouded
And bound in chains
Where these hold sway.

:(

Apparently indigestion and whatever else was going on with me last night causes nightmares...

:(

Straight Through the Heart

Hanging from the cobwebs in your mind
It looks like a long long way to fall
No one ever told me life was kind
I guess I never heard it
I never heard it all
Living in a world of make believe
I can hide behind what's real
But wearing your emotions on your sleeve
And they all know what you feel
And here it comes again
"Straight through the heart
Straight through the heart
Oh never tell a secret with your eyes
It's the eyes that let you down
Tell a little truth with many lies
It's the only way I've found
Oh here it comes again
Straight through the heart
Straight through the heart
Shout to the wind
How can you hurt me this way
Oh once it begins
It looks like it's coming to stay..."

Some Insecurities:

Being seen as insecure
Being laughed at
Being judged
Being ignored
Being treated lightly
Being talked about
Being awkward

“Being” is kind of a funny word when you read it over and over…

I Don't Know...

"Say my name
Ease the pain
Clear the smoke
In my head."

Googlisms!

Googlisms for: carla

carla is unimpressed
carla is cute as a button
carla is to better understand the connection between language and culture with support from a variety of disciplines
carla is the new name to add to this list of bizarre and unique women
carla is the superstitious and spunky barmaid who played off diane’s snobbery
carla is a fellow psychic/intuitive
carla is finally coming
carla is built on top of an old 17th century graveyard
carla is helping him
carla is awful
carla is a genuine renaissance girl
carla is partially deaf
carla is primarily interested in urban sociology
carla is currently involved in researching deathbed visions
carla is guilty
carla is adrift without him
carla is unit #2039 at mission de los arroyos
carla is in the middle above
carla is baffling
carla is waiting for her boyfriend
carla is a regular on the new canadian prime time soap "paradise falls" airing on showcase
carla is amazing
carla is just an added incentive
carla is soft spoken
carla is no penthouse pet
carla is very musical and has a great sense of melody and harmony
carla is blessed with a great range and breath control
carla is interested
carla is the vision and womanpower behind zena moon
carla is a good teacher
carla is willing to take the chance of getting her heart broken
carla is of her lack of social graces

Uhm... yep...

Still procrastinating!

Take the quiz:
What animal were you in a past life?

Panther
Nice. You're a panther. Silent, deadly, lives in the forest, what more could you want? The balance/senses of a cat, the ability to spell pretty good, and you might even have a few friends! Online is good. The internet is good for you. but stop going on so often, you're a bit anti-social. Go out with some friends sometime.

We Can Reach Greatness

It's amazing how much I get done while avoiding essay-writing... I mean... really.

Jealousy

If jealousy makes someone a horrible person, then the world is filled with horrible people...

Somehow I find that comforting.

"Dreamtime is Over..."

"Gonna let the lightning
Tuck me into my bed
Gonna let that man
Let him into my head
I’ll see you in my dreams
Electrified and cherry red..."

Coming Out of a Fog...

A Scanner Darkly

I just finished reading Philip K. Dick's A Scanner Darkly, the fourth book of his that I've read. For some reason the ending and reading some the Author's Note on the last few pages just touched me... his books have a way of taking you through intense emotional convolutions and then ending them. It's like suddenly coming out of seeing a beautiful vision of hell...

Conversations

I seem to be in a copy-pasting conversations mood lately... I guess my life is just that amusing...

me: hehehe I love my friends... we have the greatest conversations....
me:so you were drunk last night while I was away?
Benjamin: oh christ
Benjamin: I came online didn't I?

Jason: lol
me: he doesn't remember at all
me: this is fun
me: I should have made stuff up
Jason: that would be mean
Jason: you should have
me: somehow I'm not surprised
me: but bad jason :P
Jason: :-P
me: :P :P
Jason: :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P
me: :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P * infinity ^(3+n) n= all known positive integers

Thanks, I think...

Ira: Sleep tight, don't let the demons in your closet drag your soul off to hell!

Us and Them

it's unsafe but I will protect you

explodingdog

3 months

Strange to think about it... but Jason and I have been together for three months now...

(: